Seven years ago, a Sunday morning to be exact, I found out that my Aunt Jackie had left this world to find happiness in the life that comes after this one. Seven years feels like forever and yesterday all at the same time. When I think of all the things I've done in seven years, it seems like a lot: graduated high school, went to college at Virginia Tech, turned 16,17,18,19,20,21 and 22, got a tattoo, graduated college, fell in love, fell out of love, made new friends, lost some old friends, lost myself in the chaos of trying to find myself, graduated college, found myself again.
I think about my Aunt Jackie all the time. I think, is she watching down over me? Do I make her proud? Have I disappointed her with the things I've done? Does she miss me? I guess I will never know the answers to these questions, but I have to think in my heart that she is watching over me everyday and loves me just as much as I love her.
When I was younger I didn't understand why she left. How could this life be so bad that she would choose to leave it all behind? Back then I didn't know what "being depressed" meant, what "feeling lost and hopeless" was. But now I do, because now I have felt those emotions. I have felt the pain that comes will feeling sad and alone. I have learned that this world is often cold and unforgiving, especially when you have no one to share it with. Not everyone is happy all the time, or most of the time for that matter. I can see now why she chose to leave. Although my Aunt Jackie was surrounded by friends and family all the time, deep down she was miserable and alone. And I never knew it. I wish I knew it. But I can't change the past, can't bring her back, can't make her see the good in life instead of the bad. But I can live my own life right, by being happy and bringing happiness to others. And even when I have bad days, I just stop and think, there is someone out there who is having a bad day way worse than mine. And I try a little harder, give a little more, and smile even when I don't want to.
I love you Aunt Jackie!
1.31.03 <3
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Jackie loves you also very much!!The4 of you were and are agreat joy of her life , then as well as now. Someday you will be able to tell her how you feel about her.Till then you have a wonderful guarden angelwith whom you can talk to anytime you desire.From someone who also is very proud of and loves you very much.
ReplyDeleteLoRowe, JT would be very proud of you and all that you have accomplished in these past 7 years. I feel her spirit and miss her as well. Know that you are never alone and trust that your family loves and cares about you. Always know that there are many who can help you if you ask.Love u. tp
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