This blog is about L-O-V-E

In most of my blogs I usually say something like, "If you have ideas for a blog let me know and I will write about it." Well, I FINALLY got someone to give me a topic! This dedicated reader, told me last night that he wanted to know why girls think they have to say, "I love you", so early on in the relationship and rush into being so serious. And along with this he also wondered why girls think every relationship has to be a fairy tale, instead of just reality. So, I will now attempt to answer his questions with a fun, wity blog. Here goes nothing.

I will begin with a story. A long, long time ago, I fell in love with a boy who changed my whole world. I was young, probably 16 at the time, and when I fell in love I fell hard. I wrote love notes, poems, songs, drew hearts on my notebook in class, counted down the hours until I could see him again. Try to hold back the vomit, okay? When I said, "I love you" to him we had been dating for about three months. It was Valentine's Day, and we had just finished a couple's photo shoot at Sears and dinner at Olive Garden. I don't think it gets any cheesier than that. So as we were about to end the night, due to my super early curfew, he told me that he loved me. That's right, he said it first. But I was going to say it anyway if he didn't for some reason. And that was it. We were in love and wanted the whole world to know. It felt like everyday I loved him more, and there was no end in sight. We told eachother that we would spend "forever" together, get married and have a family. And we meant it. I can honestly say that we truly, deeply loved eachother. And when it ended it was sad, but people change and you have to let go sometimes. But I don't regret any of it. It was the best relationship I've ever had...and pretty much the only one, minus a few other short lived romances.

So what is the point of this story? The point is, everyone starts out with the "fairy tale romance" in their heads. We all want it. We read about it, watch movies about it, Cosmo tells us about it, our friends swear that their boyfriends treat them like princesses, it's EVERYWHERE. And when we fall in love for the first time, we actually start believing that fairy tales exist. I know I did for a while. But then the bubble burts, and reality sets in. We realize that being in love is not all its cracked up to be. It's frustrating, demanding, overwhelming at times. Not easy and argument free like the movies suggest. And we become hardened, maybe even a little jaded by love and what it has done to us in the past. But I think this needs to happen in order for us to see the truth about relationships. And that truth is, falling in love is the easy part. It's all the other stuff that takes work. The trusting, the committing, the putting in effort to make the other person happy. Those are the little things that mean the most and we all STRUGGLE with those.

So when a girl says, "I love you" super early in the relationship, either she hasn't had her fairy tale bubble burst yet, or she truly does love you. And while it's great that she loves you, it doesn't mean that things will last forever. That old saying "love conquers all" is such crap. Sometimes it just takes us a little while to see through the crap and figure out what we really want. And at the end of my day, all I really want is to be happy. Everything else will work itself out in time. Does that answer your question?

This is what happens when boredom strikes...

Where do you mainly shop for clothes/jewelry?
Express, New York and Co, AE

What's the middle name of the last person to text you?
JANE! Love you AJS

How many eggs do you normally eat?
usually I eat egg whites because they are healthier..

What's something you will never run out of in your fridge?
water, propel, cheese...we have way too much cheese.

What kind of perfume do you use?
Burberry Summer or Dolce and Gabbana Light Blue

What time do you leave your house in the morning for school?
Sadly I am not in school any more. I usually leave for work around 8:30.

Do you remember your second grade teacher's name?
Mrs. Wiggins and Mrs. Whitlock

Any celebrity crushes?
I would marry Channing Tatum this second if he asked.

How many days until Halloween?
Who knows...I'm too old to dress up anymore. : (

Do you believe in 2012?
I'm not sure, but it is scary to think about.

What's your best memory of high school?
Probably graduating and getting the heck out of there.

Your worst?
The day my aunt died my sophmore year

What is your favorite tv show?
I have a few: One Tree Hill, Greys, Desperate Housewives, Private Practice

Have you ever lied to your parents?
Of course

Who has ever given you the best advice?
my mom, or AJS.

Name 3 places you want to go before you die:
Bahamas, Hawaii, Cabo

Think back to your last relationship. Was it worth it?
eh, thats debateable.

Will you be in a relationship next month?
doubtful

How's your ex doing? Do you care?
he's good as far as I know.

Did you kiss anyone in August?'
I don't kiss and tell

Is it okay to like someone else when you have a boyfriend/ girlfriend?
sure...why not

Why did your last relationship end?
didnt really see a future for us together.

Is the last person you kissed older than you?
yes

What do you dislike currently?
waking up early

Can you handle the truth?
I would take the truth over a lie any day of the week.

Do you still talk to the person you had your first kiss with?
no. but he was a nice guy!

Reason behind the last time you laughed really hard?
I laugh really hard everytime I get a hilarious text from a certain someone...its pretty much a constant laughter.

Do you believe that there's good in everybody?
honestly, I'm not sure

What are your plans for your next birthday?
rent a limo, cruise around town with my bffs and live it up!

Do you ignore people when you're mad/upset with them?
sometimes. but i'm usually the person who tries to work it out.

What is something you wish you had more of?
more time in the day...where does it go?

Would you ever consider getting breast implants?
maybe after i have kids and the girls arent looking as good.

What color are your nails painted right now?
clear..got a manicure yesterday and it was amazing.

Do you ever think you're anorexic/bulimic?
haha...that's a joke. obese, maybe.

How old will you be in December 2010?
23...how did i get so old?

Are you comfortable to go out in public with no makeup?
4 years in college will make you comfortable.

Can a boy and girl be friends without having feelings for each other?
i think there are always feelings...even if you don't admit it.

Have you ever had a really big fight with a best friend? And still been best friends after?
The thing about a best friend is that no matter what you fight about, you'll always be best friends.

When was the last time you cried?
Saturday night

Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2010?
Most likely not, but getting a job would be a great change.

What are you currently waiting for?
my lunch break...im starving.

Do you think more about the past, present, or future?
I am constantly thinking about the future, but I wish I could just focus on the present.

Who were the last people you saw besides from family?
people at a meeting i went to last night

Is this year the best year of your life?
I can't say its been the worst...

Is there someone you wouldn't mind kissing right now?
my puppy dogs!

What's on your wrists right now?
a david yurman bracelet.

Did you ever want to be a doctor?
I don't think I could be in school that long. But I would love to marry a doctor.

Are you dressing up for Halloween this year?
I doubt that.

What are you wearing right now? In detail?
Brown shoes, brown pants, multi-colored shirt, brown earrings...alot of brown.

What is your current mood?
content...but always wanting more.

How much money do you have on you?
some change at the bottom of my purse.

Do you remember who you liked in grade seven?
yes I do...and I am still friends with him today.

Do you have friends you can tell stuff to and you're sure they won't tell?
only a select few.

How do you feel about Dr Pepper?
way too much sugar and not worth the calories.

Are there things that can't be joked about with you?
ehh I'm a pretty open person...

What do you always take with you?
phone, purse, wallet, keys, lip gloss, hand sanitizer

Do you have a box where you keep all your important things?
I have a memory box with all of my love notes from high school...thats about it.

How many times have you dyed your hair?
none...I'm all natural baby.

Are you afraid of shots ?
not really.

Has anyone called you perfect before?
I've been told I have perfect hair...but I'm far from perfect.

Do your best friends’ parents tend to like you?
I'm sure they do for putting up with their crazy daughter...

Are any of your friends taller than you?
maybe a few guys but none of my girlfriends

Could you name all 50 states and point to them on a map?
I have tried and I failed...and that is embarrassing.

Are you someone's best friend?
yes i am.

Give me a random lyric from the song you're listening to:
Suprisingly I'm not listening to anything

Has a song ever made you cry?
Yep, many times. I am so emo.

Has a book ever made you cry?
I don't think so.

Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you?
yep

Do you like to wear dresses?
yes...I feel very girly when I do.

Would you ever get a tattoo? What of?
I already have one...I might get another but it would have to be something I really want.

Quotes of the day

Stole this from someone's facebook page...I thought they were really good.


"As you grow up, you'll learn that the one person that wasn't supposed to let you down probably will. You'll have your heart broken, but you'll break other's hearts too, so remember what it felt like when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend and maybe even fall in love with them. You'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh till you cry, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no timeouts, no second chances. You just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you. Tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain. Hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile til your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back."

"To me, fearless is not the absence of fear. It’s not being completely unafraid. To me, fearless is having fears. Fearless is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. Fearless is falling madly in love again, even though you’ve been hurt before. Fearless is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again… even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost. It’s fearless to have faith that someday things will change. Fearless is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing, I think it’s fearless to stop believing them. It’s fearless to say “you’re not sorry”, and walk away. I think loving someone despite what people think is fearless. I think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is fearless. Letting go is fearless. Then, moving on and being alright…That’s fearless too. But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. You have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily ever after. Because love is fearless."

A scene from my dreams- A Fiction Piece

So, I haven't written a fiction piece in a while, and today I was feeling inspired by the rain. Enjoy.

I’m sitting in traffic, counting the drops of rain as they bead down on my windshield. And all of a sudden I’m not in the car anymore. All of a sudden I’m taken to a memory, a vision, a scene from my dreams starring me and you. We’re at dinner, maybe outside my front door, or perhaps wrapped up in a blanket watching the waves crash on the shore. I look at you, my eyes full of emotions and words unspoken, and you smile. You smile that smile that melts me, that makes me forget why I was ever mad at you a day in my life, makes me want to stay in this moment with you forever and just breathe it all in. But behind that smile is a head full of thoughts that I can’t see into, can’t read into, can’t comprehend what you want me to. But I try, and I’ve been trying for weeks, months, years, to read between the lines and find you, the real you. Why won’t you let me find you? Let me see you exposed and broken down. Let me hear the words roll off your tongue, those words that I’ve been waiting to hear for so long.

As I sit beside you with anxious eyes and a heart that’s been broken a thousand times, I laugh. I laugh so that I won’t cry. I laugh because I’m nervous and uncertain about what I’m even doing here in the first place. Preparing to spill my heart on the table in front you, I’ve been choking on these words for so long I’m not even sure if they will come out now. With hands shaking I turn my body to face you, and I take in one last deep breath. As I breathe it out, “I love you”, slips from my mouth like a whisper, and I wonder if you heard me. I don’t think I have to strength to say it again. Because when I’m with you, my strength is gone. I’m powerless in a war that’s raging right in front of me. I’m sick with stomach that’s tied up in knots. And you are my medicine, my drug. You make me better. You make me feel like a toy with new batteries inside, I’ve never felt so alive. I want to hug you, kiss you, breathe you in so that I never forget you. And while my mind is racing you take my hand. I’m afraid to look up and hear what you eyes have to say. You come closer and I can feel your warm breath in my ear. And when you let go all I hear is air; and the life being sucked out of me. Another night with words left unsaid. I’m a fool for expecting anything more.

I’m sitting in traffic, counting the drops of rain as they bead down on my windshield. And you’re not here anymore.

Speak your mind and hold your tongue

Today I started thinking about how I'm a walking campaign ad for telling the truth and being brutally honest. As much as I love this quality about myself, I'm beginning to notice a change in my usual, honest to a fault, personality. Lately I've noticed I am more patient, kind, and forgiving of people. I never imagined I would be expressing all of those emotions, let alone all of them at the same time. The main change I've noticed is that, in certain situations and with certain people, I CANNOT BE MEAN! Also, with these situations and these people I CANNOT SAY EXACTLY WHAT I'M THINKING... and it's killing me If you know me well, you know that I can be a total bitch when I don't agree with someone, feel the need to shut someone down, or quite frankly just don't like someone. Okay, I know that sounds mean, but at least I can admit it right? But the point is, I used to not take crap from anyone! I used to stand up for myself, say what was on my mind, and not think twice about what anyone else thought. And now, its like I just sit there, smile, and pretend to agree with people because it's not worth it to start an argument. I know that this is partly a good thing. Nobody likes a know-it-all who has an opinion on every little thing. And I'm glad that I've learned to be more reserved when the situation calls for it. But the thing is, its almost to a point where I'm afraid to say what I'm thinking. I'm afraid of the response I'll get, I'm afraid of the rejection, the letdown, the disappointment, the look that says oh my god I can't believe she just said that . Since when am I the person who cares what people think? I don't know but I don't like it.

I'm blogging because my mommy said so.

This morning my mom walks in the living room and casually says to me, "You haven't blogged in a while. Like, not since October 1st." This is a perfect example of why I feel guilty about not writing. I've been thinking I need to write something for weeks but I've just been lazy. Thanks for the guilt trip mommy, I'm writing now so you don't ground me for the week. Love you mom!

The past two weekends have been what I like to call, "homecoming adventures". The weekend before last I attended my high school homecoming parade and football game. The events were eye-opening to say the least. I realized that next year will be my FIVE YEAR high school reunion. Talk about feeling old. I also realized that high school football games are alot more fun when you are actually in high school. I remember those days sitting in the "cool kids" section of the bleachers, talking about who liked who, where the party was after the game, if we could sneak any booze from our parents (usually not.) I guess in some ways things haven't changed. I still enjoy gossiping about who likes who...more like who is engaged to who nowadays. Now instead of searching for parties, everyday is a party...in the U.S.A. Thanks Miley! As for the booze situation, I only steal from my dad now when I'm running low on funds or don't feel like going to the store.

This weekend I made the 5 hour drive to Blacksburg for homecoming weekend. I HATED that drive all four years of college and hated it just as much this weekend. But of course that didn't stop me. I have to say that this weekend was one of the best I've had in a long time. Friday night was a fantastic reunion of 3/4 of the fantastic 4. And I'm proud to say we still pretended like we were in college and partied hard...maybe a little too hard. However, I am also proud to say that I woke up and made it in time for the noon game on saturday. How could I not when I had amazing, front row tickets! Insert jealous comments here. The game was awesome! We destroyed BC and I stayed the entire time. After the game I ran into some family friends from home and joined them at their tailgate spot for a few hours. The afternoon was full of great people, great conversation, and great food and drink. I could not have asked for a better day. Well, maybe I would have asked for a little bit more energy on Saturday night. But hey, I am old and graduated so I'm proud for making it as long as I did.

A weird thing happened on Sunday morning when I woke up. I thought to myself, I love Blacksburg, but I'm ready to get back home. A feeling of mixed emotions accompanied me the entire weekend. Blacksburg has been my home for the past four years. I made a life in Blacksburg. I met some of the most important people in my life there, and a part of me that wishes I could stay there forever. But there is also a part of me who is ready to grow up and move on. Not so much ready to be living at home again, but ready to see what the future holds.

Virginia Tech was a great chapter in my life. But its time to start writing the next one. And the good news with this chapter is, the possibilities are endless.

Song of the Day

Need You Now- Lady Antebellum


Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor
Reaching for the phone cause I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever crossed your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now


Another shot of whiskey can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever crossed your mind
To me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you not
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all

It's a quarter after one I'm all alone and I need you now

And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now

And I don't know how I can do without

I just need you now

I just need you now