"That's right put in work, eat yo salad no dessert"

The title of this album comes from a song by Kanye West called "Workout Plan". Today started the first day of my official workout plan, also known as 3 days a week for 4 weeks with a personal trainer. (Insert shock and amazement here.) Today I had my first 1 hour session at 9:30am. I'm not gonna lie, I am just proud at the fact that I was able to wake up at such a time and get motivated. Before the session started I was terrified. I had butterflies in my stomach and I felt like I might throw up. How pathetic is that? I didn't really know what to expect. Part of me was envisioning my trainer being super strict and pushing me to the point that I pass out/ puke on myself/ go home in tears. But, I have to report that things went way better than I expected. I started my session by walking on the tred mil for 5 minutes to get my heart going. After that, I did different weight machines back to back for 3 or 4 reps. And for more fun on my days off from training, I get to do an hour of cardio. Today's session focused on arms and core. My arms felt like jelly after about 10 minutes. Sad, I know. I had to do push-ups ( or attempt to) and pull-ups( a joke). I had a mix of emotions throughout the whole session. Part of me felt really excited and motivated by the idea that if I keep doing all of this stuff I am going to look pretty darn good after 4 weeks. Another part of me felt slightly embarrassed and pathetic by the fact that I was struggling to do the weightlifting in a room full of people who are completely jacked. I almost felt like they were looking at me and thinking, "Wow this girl is way to young to be that out of shape and over weight." I know that is probably just me over reacting a bit. I felt a little guilty for having a personal trainer when most of the other people in there were motivating themselves. I almost felt like they were looking at me like, "Man this girl must be really spoiled and I bet her parents paid for her personal trainer." Which they did, but it was my present for graduation. That makes it okay right?

The whole point of doing this is because I want to be in better shape. Breaking my leg has left me with some serious set backs. My body is not the way it used to be and I want it back (especially if I plan on wearing a bathing suit this summer). I'm going to eat healthier and work out and make it a lifestyle change. The past four years at college have done nothing positive for my figure. I will miss the late night pizza and Jimmy Johns, but I know I'm better off without it. I know I still have a lot of work to do before I can even think about this but I'm hoping that if I really get into the whole working out thing and improve alot then maybe I can get myself certified to teach fitness classes or even be a personal trainer. Then I could work out all the time and get paid for it. Wishful thinking for now...

My feelings on Prom

Today was my sister's prom. She has been talking about this day for literally the past 2 years. She had everything all planned out...the color of the dress, what her hair would look like, how her makeup would be, etc. But from all of my past experiences with prom (4 of them) and her experience today, I'm gonna have to say that prom is completely over rated.

Here me out. You spend hundreds of dollars on a dress that you will most likely never wear again, then buy shoes that are too dressy to go with anything other than a prom dress, gaudy jewelry, and of course the matching purse. I bought all of these things four 4 different proms! Waste much? And after the outfit there's the hair and makeup. An average up-do costs around $60, but then the whole "do" starts turning into a "don't" by the middle of the evening. Curls fall, bobby pins come loose, glitter has a mind of its own. It's really just a mess.

Today my sister got her makeup done professionally before prom. (A luxury I was never interested in because I can do makeup better than half those people). So when we arrive at the makeup counter, the lady who was supposed to do her makeup had taken the weekend off. How convenient. Another lady, who I'm still not convinced has ever done makeup before, proceeds to work on my sister's face. After 45 minutes of work just on her EYES, we finally had to leave because we were going to be late for pictures. OH THE HORROR! Moral of the story, do your own makeup because only you knows what looks best with your face.

Then we have the whole picture taking experience. Sunny, 80 degrees, makeup melting, armpits and backs sweating. A beautiful experience to say the least. I took over 100 pictures in less than 30 minutes. I'm starting to think a career in photography is in my future. People LOVE pictures. I've never seen so many crazy moms in one place. And then there's the other moms who make comments like, "I never even took this many pictures at my wedding," "For my prom we just took pictures in front of the mantel and went." Oh how the times have changed!

Then of course there's the "party bus." My sister will probably hate me for saying this but the bus honestly looked like a bus for the elderly or mentally disabled. It was basically a "short bus". All joking aside, what happened to taking a regular limo? Now, I know I did most of the same things that my sister did, minus the short bus and professionally botched makeup job, but this stuff is just getting ridiculous! Take me out for some pizza and ice cream and call it a prom. That way I don't have to suck in all night in a dress that probably won't fit me by Christmas. I feel sorry for the person who gets stuck planning my wedding, that is if I can ever muster up the tolerance to sit in a poofy white dress all day. -END OF RANT-

Home sweet home...sort of.

I sincerely apologize to all of my 3 dedicated followers for not updating sooner! I know how all of you count on reading my blog every morning. I will try harder I promise.

Graduation was last weekend and I'm back in the good ol' 757 now. Mixed emotions to say the least. I love being home. My parents feed me, I don't have to pay for much. and I have a pool and hot tub to occupy myself with on these amazing sunny days. However, I can't help but wonder how long I'm gonna be living at home. I want to get out, be on my own and struggle. Not living out of a box struggle, but just find my own way in the world. I need some motivation, a push if you will, to get out there and figure out what I want to do with my life.

Today I met with a family friend and lawyer who asked me what I wanted to do now that I've graduated. I'm starting to feel guilty every time I answer, "I'm not really sure." You would think after four years of college that I would have some kind of idea. Sorry mom, I really don't have a clue. College went by so fast. I didn't even start thinking about getting a job until this semester. Perhaps that was mistake number one. But even still, I can't help but think that its wrong to settle for a job that doesn't make me happy. I've been trying to narrow my scope of "what I'd like to do." Here's what I've come up with so far.

1. Be around people
2. Help people
3. NOT sit at a desk all day
4. Impact someone's life
5. Love what I do more than I hate it

Obviously a theme here is PEOPLE. I love being around people, this I know. I'm outspoken, a comedian at times, and I can't help but try to make people laugh and enjoy themselves. Okay, now who wants to hire me with those qualities? I certainly haven't had too many employers banging down my door. (Feel sorry for me now.) I know finding a job isn't easy, for good reason. But I don't even know which direction to go in. Potential career choices include:

1. Teacher
2. Lawyer
3. Personal trainer- just for you Amanda
4. Principal or another administrative role.

It seems to me that the one thing all of these careers have in common is the requirement of further education. AKA- I need to get my butt back to school. I've been toying with the idea but I just can't commit to one thing. It seems as though I have become more indecisive as I got older. Responsibility, I am not a fan of you. I'm hoping that my job this summer will make a light bulb go off on or around my head. Being a camp counselor will either show me that I hate kids or love them. Only time will tell...

My mood

Coldplay- The Scientist

Come up to meet you, tell you I’m sorry,
You don’t know how lovely you are.
I had to find you, tell you I need you,
Tell you I set you apart.

Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions,
Oh, lets go back to the start.
Running in circles, coming in tales,
Heads are a science apart.

Nobody said it was easy,
It's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No-one ever said it would be this hard,
Oh take me back to the start.

I was just guessing at numbers and figures,
Pulling your puzzles apart.
Questions of science, science and progress,
Do not speak as loud as my heart.

And tell me you love me, come back and haunt me,
Oh and I rush to the start.
Running in circles, chasing tails,
And coming back as we are.

Nobody said it was easy,
oh its such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No-one ever said it would be so hard.

I'm going back to the start.

Super "Emo" day

Today was reading day, also known as a day where I do absolutely nothing. For some reason I chose to watch the movie "Stop Loss", alone in my room. It made me miss a very good friend of mine who is in Iraq until December. Needless to say I got a little bit emotional. My life is so easy/amazing/carefree/happy/beautiful and sometimes I forget. Things could be so much worse but they AREN'T!!! Graduation is only 8 days away and the feeling is bittersweet. The sadness is slowly fading and excitement is setting in. I have so many great opportunities waiting for me after I leave here. For a while I thought I wasn't ready, but deep down I know it is time to go.

Tonight I found this amazing song and I cannot stop listening to it. The song is by Parachute and it is called "She is Love." When I was in High School I used to listen to music for hours in my room and sit and think. I almost forgot what how relaxing that can be until I found this song. I'm not sure exactly why but it hits me to the core. There is something so beautiful about the simplicity in the lyrics and the softness of the guitar. DOWNLOAD IT NOW if you haven't heard it. Every time I listen to it I feel peaceful and calm.

Last class of undergrad

As I write this blog entry, I am sitting in my final class on my undergrad career. Obviously if I'm writing this I'm not paying very much attention to the teacher, but that's nothing new. Lately my mood has been shifting from really excited to really sad. The reality of graduation weighs heavier on me some days more than others. I can't help but think of cheezy songs and quotes about graduation and new beginnings. Driving in the car the other day I heard a song with a line that said, "Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." It's deep, I know. When I think back on everything that I've learned over the past four years, most of the knowledge I've gained did not come from the classroom. I know my mom wouldn't like me to say this but I really think she was "paying for classes" when my education really came from everything else. It's been the interactions with people, the hard life lessons, running out of money, staying up all night to meet a deadline, and making choices I knew I would probably regret that taught me the things that have made me who I am now. Classes felt like something I went to pass the time. I don't mean that in a negative way, but a degree in political science really doesn't mean that much in the grand scheme of things. That fact is, I went to college, I lived, I learned, and I'm a better person for it. The future is bright and wide open. (Insert corny song here).

"Graduation (Friends Forever)"

And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day
Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of that night in June
I didn't know much of love
But it came too soon
And there was me and you
And then we got real blue
Stay at home talking on the telephone
And we would get so excitedand we'd get so scared
Laughing at ourselves thinking life's not fair
And this is how it feels

[1]
As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
From whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever

So if we get the big jobs
And we make the big money
When we look back now
Will our jokes still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Can Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?
I keep, keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels

La, la, la, la:
Yeah, yeah, yeah
La, la, la, la:
We will still be friends forever

Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly

Goodbye undergrad classes!!

Memory- A fiction piece

I had a nightmare again last night. It’s the one I’ve been having ever since the accident twenty years ago. I’m running for help and screaming at the top of my lungs by no one can hear me. I’m covered in blood, but not my own, and my adrenaline is pumping so hard I think my heart might break out of my chest. I see her lying on the ground about fifty feet away, motionless. Everything around me looks familiar, yet different at the same time. The road I’m running on is a bit narrower than in real life, and the trees aren’t as green as they usually are. A car passes by and I wave my arms frantically. At the last second, I jump out of the way to avoid being hit. All of a sudden I’m falling. I’m screaming but no words are coming out. Down below me there is nothing but rushing water and sharp rocks. I close my eyes and brace myself for the impact. Then I wake up.

When I awake I’m wet. Usually it’s just sweat but sometimes I actually piss myself. Doctor says that’s just old age. I take my sheets of the bed and put them in the wash; start the wash but forget the detergent. I make myself cereal for breakfast and read the paper. No coffee though, my ulcer is back. Around noon I make myself shower and get ready for the day. Last month my daughter got me a seat for the shower so that I don’t slip. She says if I ever did “ have a spill” there would be no one around to hear me yell for help. What a shame. As I sit on the seat in the shower I think about what it would be like accidentally to slip and fall, how much it would hurt, how long it would take to pass out. I think about how I shouldn’t even be alive and sitting here now in the first place. When my daugher calls me around four I tell her about my nightmare and she tells me that it’s the Alzheimer’s talking. She says that I should look at the brochures she gave me about the treatment facilities nearby. I don’t tell her that last week I ran out of fire wood and the brochures were the closest thing to throw in the fire. When we hang up I go to the refrigerator. Today is Tuesday. Tuesday means that Mrs. Powers from church is bringing me dinner. I hope it’s not another one of her casseroles.

Before dinner I fold my laundry. My sheets still smell like piss and I conclude that I must need to buy a stronger detergent. At six the doorbell rings and Mrs. Powers greets me with a plate of spaghetti and meatballs. She sets the table for me and fixes my plate. I eat sloppily without using a napkin and she watches me to make sure that I finish my plate. When I tell her that I’m finished she clears everything from the table and puts the leftovers in the refrigerator. I walk her to the door and tell her that I’ll see her tomorrow. She tells me she “only brings me food on Tuesday and Friday,” and I feel stupid. I watch Wheel of Fortune at 7 and Jeopardy at 7:30 and call it a night. Before bed I read the note on my bathroom mirror left by my daughter. “IMPORTANT: take medicine, take out teeth, turn off lights, lock doors, check all appliances.” I crawl in bed and close my eyes. I’m thinking happy thoughts. I’m on a beach. Somewhere nice like where my wife and I went for our honeymoon. There’s a cool breeze blowing and the sun is bright. I can see a sailboat in the distance with a bright red sail. Blue sky, white sand, and crystal clear water. I’m running for help and screaming at the top of my lungs by no one can hear me. I’m covered in blood, but not my own, and my adrenaline is pumping so hard I think my heart might break out of my chest.