Speak your mind and hold your tongue

Today I started thinking about how I'm a walking campaign ad for telling the truth and being brutally honest. As much as I love this quality about myself, I'm beginning to notice a change in my usual, honest to a fault, personality. Lately I've noticed I am more patient, kind, and forgiving of people. I never imagined I would be expressing all of those emotions, let alone all of them at the same time. The main change I've noticed is that, in certain situations and with certain people, I CANNOT BE MEAN! Also, with these situations and these people I CANNOT SAY EXACTLY WHAT I'M THINKING... and it's killing me If you know me well, you know that I can be a total bitch when I don't agree with someone, feel the need to shut someone down, or quite frankly just don't like someone. Okay, I know that sounds mean, but at least I can admit it right? But the point is, I used to not take crap from anyone! I used to stand up for myself, say what was on my mind, and not think twice about what anyone else thought. And now, its like I just sit there, smile, and pretend to agree with people because it's not worth it to start an argument. I know that this is partly a good thing. Nobody likes a know-it-all who has an opinion on every little thing. And I'm glad that I've learned to be more reserved when the situation calls for it. But the thing is, its almost to a point where I'm afraid to say what I'm thinking. I'm afraid of the response I'll get, I'm afraid of the rejection, the letdown, the disappointment, the look that says oh my god I can't believe she just said that . Since when am I the person who cares what people think? I don't know but I don't like it.