Something I just realized recently...

Alright, it shouldn't be a surprise to any of my blog readers when I say that my love life is pretty much non-existent. I'm not saying this for people to pitty me, I'm simply stating the facts, and the facts are that I am as single as the girls in Beyonce's song "Single Ladies." So lately I've been thinking to myself, why is it that I'm single? I've come up with a couple of possible answers. 1) Perhaps it's because I just don't try to look for guys 2) Maybe it's because I'm overweight...in my mind at least. 3) Perhaps it's because when a guy likes me, I'm not interested in him. Then when he stops liking me, moves on to another girl, I start liking him.

I can think of two examples to prove that this is true. During my sophomore and junior years of college, I was going through a phase. I like to describe this phase as the, "I don't care about anything other than going to frat parties and drinking Franzia all night." And although these were probably my most exciting years of college, I did miss out on a few things. I can specifically remember a guy liking me during most of my sophomore year. This guy didn't go to Virginia Tech, but we had known each other for a few years. I guess you could say it wasn't that I didn't like him at the time, but he was 300 miles away and I was blinded by the frat boy Natural Light.

About two years later, things completely changed. I realized that I really did like this guy, but I was just too consumed with everything happening around me to notice. So, as luck would have it, when I told him that I liked him and wanted to be with him, he did not feel the same. Talk about bad timing. But I guess it's like they always say, if it's meant to be it will be. And in this case, it was not meant to be.

Next example. Towards the end of my "phase" during my junior year, I started hanging out with another guy who liked me. This guy did not go to Virginia Tech either, but we had gone to High School together. So, summer after junior year we hung out, went on a few dates, nothing serious. I actually worked up the courage to tell him that I liked him, but the next day I decided that I didn't. I don't know what it is, but when someone really likes me, I just get freaked out and want to go back to the beginning stage where neither of us would admit that they liked each other.

So things with this guy obviously didn't turn out that well. He felt like I was leading him on, and I felt like things were moving too fast. Luckily I was able to escape everything when I had to go back to school in August. But things didn't end there. When I came home this summer I tried to reconnect with him. But he was NOT having it. I guess it's safe to say that he was over me and had moved on. I felt pretty stupid about the whole situation, and I definitely regret not giving him a chance. My most recent attempt to hang out with him came a few weeks ago when I sent him a text message at 1am asking him to be my valentine. That's not embarrassing at all. And his response was, "Sorry someone beat you to it." Womp womp.

So what is the point in all of this? I'm not trying to make myself look cool by saying that guys like(d) me and I was too busy for them. I'm trying to say that now I'm all alone and I missed out on two great guys because I was too busy wasting my time on Mr. Frat-tastic. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not still hung up on these two guys, and sitting in my room thinking about what could have been. I just honestly wonder if I would even know "the right guy" if he was standing right in front of me. I'm really not sure...

"Let Go"

Okay, so I've been taking this Zumba class for about two weeks now, and at the end of every class we stretch to this awesome song. I thought it sounded like Britney Spears but I had never heard it before, and I am like Britney's biggest fan so I figured it couldn't be her. So I managed to memorize some of the lyrics in class, and I came home and googled them. Sure enough, the song is "Let Go" by Britney Spears. I am not kidding when I say that this is my favorite Britney Spears song EVER. But the problem is, I can't find it on Itunes or anywhere else! How can that be? So I'm attaching the lyrics and a link to a youtube video for the song because I really want to share it with you guys! And if any of you find out where I can buy this song I will love you forever!!!

Let Go- Britney Spears

It’s written everywhere
I’ve even read it in my script
But when I thought it wasn’t fair
I felt it on my lips, let go
I don’t wanna be the one
I think you already know, oh

The feeling of going down way too deep
Holding on
So you won’t lose your feet
Sometimes you just gotta trust
You gotta take that leap
And let go
Gotta let go

I’ve got a feeling
By your look you’re through
Oh no
What you’re revealing
I sit and pray
And I will pull through, oh no yeah

When you let go
Of all you’ve known
The butterflies fly
And you will see the rainbows
And all the love
Everything will be shown
So let go
Let go

The touch of grass
The air
The sun it will rise
You will see so clear
It will bring tears to your eyes
Maybe everything will be alright
So let go
You gotta let go

I’ve got a feeling
Right now
You feel it too
Oh, oh
This little song
Might be the one
That will tell us what to do
Oh, oh, ooh, ooh

These tears are overflowing
And never knowing why
All these years we’ve been
We’ve been hurting
We have to look inside
And try
To let go

You gotta let go
To love, you gotta let go
If you really wanna love
You gotta let go


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xso0Q7xEkB8&feature=related

Technology is NOT my friend

Hello, hello! For those of you who don't know, my computer broke last week and I just got it back last night. I have spent the majority of the day reloading itunes, wireless internet, anti virus software, and lets not forget digging through the storage shed in my back yard to find the Microsoft Office CD that came with my computer two years ago. I can now finally say that my computer is as good as new with everything on it working properly! Thank goodness. This past week without a computer I learned that I really don't miss not having a computer. I felt alot less stressed and didn't have nearly as many headaches as I normally do. So maybe my computer breaking was a sign.

Anyways, not too much has been going on lately. Valentine's Day came and went and I really didn't seem to notice too much. That's probably because I worked Saturday and Sunday and didn't really have time to think about the flowers and chocolates that I didn't get from the man of my dreams. Oh well, there's always next year right? And if I don't have a valentine next year I might just have to start sending myself flowers so I don't look like a loser. But who am I kidding, I pretty much look like a loser all the time anyway.

Today is exactly ONE WEEK until my birthday. I don't know why, but I have always been extremely over excited when it comes to celebrating my birthday. I think it comes from having a mom that planned an elaborate party every year since I can remember...one of my favorites being the stretch limo ride to McDonald's in first grade. So I guess I have always wanted to have a big celebration for my birthday. I mean, who wouldn't want to celebrate the day I graced this world with my presence? So this year, I am having 2 birthday parties. (Mainly to make up for the fact that last year on my birthday I was laying in bed with a broken leg while everyone else was out celebrating Fat Tuesday).

For party number one I will be having a small group of friends over to my house on Saturday to have drinks and appetizers before we go out in Norfolk. For party number two, I will be going up to Northern Virginia to visit THE love of my life and experience the night life in DC for the first time. Needless to say I am extremely excited for both parties and cannot wait until this weekend!

I'd like to end this blog with a few things that have been on my mind lately:

1. It's crazy to me that someone I never thought I would go a day without thinking about is slowing starting to fade from my life and mind all together. But I think it's for the best.

2. There is a part of me that is afraid that I will never find a love as pure and true as my first. I think subconsciously I compare every guy I meet with my first love. And I think to myself, he would never do the things that Jacob did for me. So then I wonder, why did I go and mess up our relationship in the first place. But I guess everything happens for a reason and if things were meant to work out between us they would have.

3. I will NEVER understand how girls can literally go from "I don't want a boyfriend" to up some guy's ass in a matter on weeks. I am not talking about anyone in particular, so don't freak out if you're my friend and you have a boyfriend. I'm just stating a general idea that I have about how girls are more afraid to cancel plans with a guy then they are to bail on their girl friends. And I think that's because they think the girl friends will always be there for them, where as the guy might move on and find someone else. But seriously, how pathetic does that sound? I will never, ever, change to make my life revolve around a guy.

My thoughts on exercising...a foreign word to me lately

Today I decided that it was time for me to stop sleeping in and feeling sorry for my unemployed self. I decided that it was time to stop eating pancakes covered with syrup and butter for breakfast and get back to the ever so flavorless Special K cereal. Today, I woke up early (9:30 to be exact) and went to the gym for Zumba class. (If you haven't tried it you really need to-so fun!) Going into the class, I knew it was going to be rough. I knew I was out of shape and probably going to puke at some point during the class. But when I actually started dancing and moving, I was in shock at just how out of shape I was! I seriously felt like I was 500 pounds. I looked like I was moving in slow motion compared to the rest of the class.

Looking at myself in a mirror for an entire hour of Zumba class finally made me realize that I am NOT in shape. Parts of my body were jiggling that should NOT be jiggling. My thighs looked like meat stuffed in a package that was too small...(my stretch pants). Now, I know what yall are thinking, "Oh Lauren, you are exaggerating!" "Lauren, you are so not fat!" "Lauren, you look beautiful just the way you are!" As much as I appreciate those nice comments, it's for me to face the facts. This summer I was working out 5 days a week, eating healthy and only drinking on special occasions. And let's not forget that I ran a 5k in just over 30 minutes only 10 months after breaking my leg. But then winter crept in, and I stopped running outside because it was too cold. Then there was Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, and of course the annual Super Bowl party. Obviously there was no way I could go on a diet with all of these events popping up. Or at least that was my excuse anyway.

But here's the thing, I have lost my self control and I HAVE TO GET IT BACK!! I know most of yall would agree with me in this one--It's much more fun/easy to pack on the pounds then it is to take them off. And that SUCKS, but is the the TRUTH! Just today at lunch while I ate my salad from Chick-fil-a, I watched others around me in the food court scarfing down Chinese food, philly cheese steaks, and french fries. And they didn't seem to care at all that they were consuming a meal that was 99% fat. But I DO care. When I eat something bad, I feel guilty. I get upset when I skip a day of working out. But lately I've just been too lazy to do something about it. But honestly, now is the best time for me to be working out. I HAVE NO JOB!!!!!! I spend my day facebook stalking while I watch General Hospital and One Tree Hill. This has got to stop! Today I am turning over a new leaf (again). I am going to eat healthy, workout, and not drink a bottle of wine when I'm having a bad day. Maybe just half a bottle.

So blog readers, I need your support. And maybe you guys need my support too! Maybe some of you are feeling just like I am, lazy and unmotivated to change the way you look. But let's be serious, when you work out and eat healthy you look better and feel better. And there are always hot guys in the gym so that's a plus. : ) Get your sweat on!