This is what I think about at night.

Yesterday I emailed a friend of mine and asked her how her job was going as a teacher in Washington, DC. She said it was tough and the kids take up a large amount of her time. She said there have been numerous times that she has had to drive a kid to a homeless shelter or call number after number trying to track down the kid's parents only to find that all the numbers have been disconnected. She said the whole thing has taken a toll on her. I'm sure anyone could understand where she is coming from. Teaching is a hard job, let alone teaching in an inner city school where kids and parents are apathetic towards teachers. I appreciated the honesty in my friend's response, as I am currently trying to figure out what to do next with my life career-wise. I don't know what my next step is. I don't know exactly what I want to do. But after much thought and internal reflection, I do know one thing. I want to help people. I know I've said this before in previous blogs but I just feel like I can't emphasize it enough. I want to make a difference in someone's life. I know it sounds cheesy and corny, but that is truly how I feel. I want to wake up in the morning and know that somewhere out there someone is waiting on me to help them and make a difference in their life. I don't know what exactly this job is, maybe a teacher, maybe a social worker, maybe it's something I haven't even considered yet.

So when I pictured myself in my friend's shoes, driving a young child to a homeless shelter, I thought, maybe if I was his teacher I could help him. I know part of this "helping people" idea is unrealistic. I mean, you can only help people to a certain extent, and that's only if they actually want your help to begin with. But there is no harm in trying. I love children; not enough to want to have any of my own, but nevertheless I still love them. At my job at the YMCA, I get to interact mainly with teens and kids. I love the feeling of knowing that they depend on me for help, even for something as simple as opening their string cheese at lunchtime. I love it when a little girl comes up to me at camp and says, "Are you going to be here tomorrow and the day after that?" It makes me feel like I matter to someone. The fact that this little girl can't wait to see me tomorrow and the day after that brings me a joy that I can't explain. That is the only happiness I need in my life. There is no person, material object, or place in this world that could replace the feeling that I get from helping someone, especially a child. In my opinion, we are put on this Earth to give more than we receive. Giving not only brings happiness to the person receiving it, but to the giver as well. I want to be a giver. I have had so many wonderful people give to me in the past 22 years, and now it is my turn to pay it forward. And I want to be sincere in my giving, not because I feel like I have to, but because I want to. Maybe it's the time of year, or maybe it's something in my teeth whitening gel. Either way I can't stop myself from thinking that I need to give more of myself to others. Now I just need to figure out where to start.