Something In the Air?

Alright, maybe it's something in the air/the water/the Chick-Fil-A salads I've been eating. I can't exactly put my finger on it, but something is making me EXTREMELY emotional and reflective these days. For example, I cry during the dumbest shows! And I never used to cry! I'm watching a 16 year old deliver a baby on tv the other day and I'm sobbing. I'm talking like loud, boo-hoo sobbing. Then I'm watching a Jessica Simpson special on VH1 about how women in other countries do crazy things to look beautiful. I'm sitting there crying watching these women starve themselves to be accepted by society. Now don't get me wrong, these shows were sad, but the fact that I was crying seemed a little of out the ordinary for me.

I know that seems like a small example, so let's get to the big picture. Lately it seems that everyone I know is dating someone, getting engaged, getting married, having babies, etc. Now, the Lauren I used to know would say, "Oh, thank God that isn't me. I have no desire to commit to anyone and settle down." But somewhere inside me something changed! I'm not saying I did a complete 180 and I spend my days at work looking for wedding rings. But there's just this feeling deep down inside of me that keeps building. And as it grows stronger it's telling me, "You do want to find someone and have someone to share things with."

Marriage is still a LONG way off for me; I am absolutely sure of that. Unless I run into Channing Tatum and he divorces his wife and proposes to me. But still, I'm starting to reconsider my theory that dating someone at this point in my life is pointless and overrated. Maybe it is worth it to try. I miss having someone like me, say nice things to me, and treat me as more than just a friend. I miss having that connection with someone and knowing that they completely get me and what I'm trying to say. THAT is a good feeling, and I miss that feeling. For a while now, I've been pushing my feelings aside. I've been saying, "Feelings, I know you are there but I just really don't want to deal with you right now." I've been living for the moment and focusing on myself. Perhaps you could say I've been selfish. I just say that I need to figure myself out before I can be with anyone else. It seems only fair to that person. So maybe I haven't completely figured myself out yet, but I'm willing to let someone in and see what happens.

It all comes down to this: When I was younger, people always used to tell me, "Enjoy it will you can because it goes by so fast." And I never knew what "it" was until now."It" represents the moments, the memories, the special times that define our lives. And lately I'm finding that those special moments don't come as easily as they used to. No one ever told me how much the "real world" sucks. I'm still trying to figure out why I was in such a hurry to get out of college and "grow up". I feel like each day is exactly like the one before. Minus the fact that I wear a different outfit and go to a different work out class depending on the day. I NEED A CHANGE!!! I need something exciting!! How can I be so young and so bored with the life I'm living?

I'm on a mission- and that is to find a life worth living, and live it to the fullest.