Change

Today I realized that I don't like change. Even though I don't like change, it still happens. Eventually today will turn in to tomorrow, spring will turn into summer, 2009 will turn into 2010 and so on. The thing about change is, we can either choose to accept it or ignore it, but things are constantly changing all around us whether we like it or not. In a month I will no longer be living in Blacksburg, Virginia. That will be a big change for me after living here for the last four years. As of right now, I'm ignoring it, but it is still going to happen. That is of course, unless I fail one of my classes and get to stay another year! HMMM....

Change is hard, scary, frustrating, overwhelming, unexpected, nerve wracking, sometimes nauseating, but the bottom line is....it happens and life goes on.

Here is a small list that I made of things that change- sometimes multiple times a day
Enjoy! : )

Change your clothes
Change the channel
Change a tire
Change your hair
Change your eye color
Change jobs
Change city
Change your underwear
Change your nail polish
Change your mood
Change your name
Change your facebook status
Change your ringtone
Change the batteries
Change your diet
Change your life plan.

Binge- A Fiction Piece

Standing in front of her bedroom mirror, she begins her nightly measuring process. She pinches what she thinks is fat from her thighs and shakes it back and forth. As she looks at her naked body in the mirror, she wonders how many more nights she will have to spend over the toilet before she reaches perfection. She seems to have forgotten the two emergency room visits last month for dehydration and exhaustion. Her face is pale and hollow, making her look much older than she actually is. Heavy makeup and fancy clothes can only do so much to hide her skeletal frame.

She holds both arms out to the side and shakes them where her bicep is supposed to be. Excess skin hangs loosely from the bone and she can’t take her eyes off the mirror. Her eyes see fat where anyone else would see flesh and bone. Now clenching her hair with both hands she curses herself. The tears are starting. As they slip silently down her face, she makes no effort to wipe them. Her eyes are fixed on the imperfections staring back at her. A handful of hair leaves with her hands as she releases them from her hair. She turns her back to the mirror and picks up her bathrobe from the bed. She slips it on and steps out into the hall. Faintly, voices can be heard from the living room. She retreats back into her doorway and waits. The clock on the wall reads 10:45. Her parents will be in bed by 11. Fifteen minutes to wait. As much as she doesn’t want to, she can’t help but feel excited. Despite the shaking, the lightheadedness, the rapid heartbeat, the results are worth it to her.

Staring into the toilet she takes a deep breath. With her left index finger, she finds her gag reflex almost instantly. Her eyes water as she pushes her finger further and further down her throat. With a swift motion, she removes her finger and starts coughing violently. A steady stream of liquid begins to fill the toilet bowl. She always runs the shower at the same time to deter her parents from coming in unannounced. She looks at the orange liquid in front of her and decides she isn’t finished. With her next release comes a chunkier stream. She moans a little as her stomach muscles tighten over and over again. When she looks into the bowl again she sees something that she hasn’t seen before. The orange liquid is now red. Feeling lightheaded, she leans back on the bathtub and closes her eyes. She breathes slowly in and out to try and calm herself down. Despite her attempts, her heart is beating faster and faster. The room is spinning and the steam from the shower has saturated her shirt with sweat. She attempts to stand by bracing herself on the bathroom sink. Now standing, she hunches over the toilet and uses all of her strength to flush it. There is a knock on the door. The flush must have made too much noise. She sinks to the floor and curls up in a ball. There are two more knocks on the door, this time a little more urgent. She tries to speak but the words don’t come. Moving her mouth over and over again, she whispers “Help me”. The noise from the shower drowns her out. The bathroom that she once came to for empowerment would now be the place where she took her last breath.

25 thoughts

I apologize to all of my dedicated followers (Amanda) for the delay in postings. I have not been a very creative mood lately. However, there have been numerous reoccurring thoughts in my mind lately and they seem to follow me as the days go on. Since I can't seem to shake them from my head, I figured I would write them down.

25 thoughts.

1. Where does a dream go when you stop chasing it?

2. Why do people get engaged in college?

3. Is there such a thing as having a friend who you don't talk about behind his/her back?

4. Does being in a serious relationship mean that you have to lose some of your independence?

5. How much does living at home after college suck? (I hope not at all, but I can't help but wonder)

6. Does a broken leg really ever go back to the way it was before?

7. Why do all of the jobs I apply for ask for 3-5 years experience?

8. Why are the SAME people always obsessed with updating their facebook status?

9. What do I want to be when I grow up?

10. Why do people lie, cheat, steal, kill...?

11. What can a person do with a political science major?

12. Why do thoughts of the future keep me awake at night?

13. Where will I be living in 5 years?

14. Why does it feel like I'm the only one who isn't obsessed with getting married right away?

15. What is the big obsession with getting married anyway?

16. Why do people do things to please others even if it makes them unhappy?

17. Why do people ask for advice but then not take it?

18. Why do girls stay in relationships when everyone around them can see that the guy is a total jerk?

19. Why do people act religious on holidays but not during any other time of the year?

20. What the heck is Twitter?

21. Why are people so selfish?

22. What will I miss the most about college when I graduate?

23. Who will people remember me as when I leave Blacksburg?

24. Did I do enough/ see enough/ explore enough/ live enough during my four years in college?

25. Does everyone have a purpose in life?