I'm a big fan of music. For as long as I can remember, I've been using song lyrics to explain my life when I'm at a loss for words. There is something so powerful behind the lyrics of a song, that touches you deep down and you just have to say, "That is exactly how I feel." It's like music is a long lost friend that always knows what to say when you run into him after being away for a long time. And yes, music is a him.
Music heals. Music saves. But most of all for me, Music keeps my memories alive.
I made this playlist the other day to listen to when I fall asleep at night. Just wanted to share.
Sleep Mix
1. The Scientist- Cold Play
2. Everything- Lifehouse
3. Hear You Me- Jimmy Eat World
4. Motorcycle Driveby- Third Eye Blind
5. Soco Amaretto Lime- Brand New
6. So Impossible- Dashboard
7. I'll Catch You- Get Up Kids
8. I will follow you into the dark- Death Cab
9. Sunday Drive- Early November
10. Play Crack the Sky- Brand New
11. Come on Get Higher- Matt Nathenson
Monday, April 26, 2010
Time For Some Updates!
Last time I wrote I was talking about what a creeper I am. Haha. Anywho, I have a ton of stuff to fill you guys in on! Although if you actually know me, most of the stuff I have to share probably won't be much of a surprise. And if you don't know me, and you're reading this, well then you my friend, are a creeper too. : )
First off, I am pleased to announce that I will starting a new job on May 3rd! I will be the Family Programs Director for the YMCA in Great Bridge. I am SUPER excited about this job! I am also extremely lucky that things worked out the way they did. I interviewed for this job back in September and didn't get it. But in a way, I am glad I didn't get it then because I wasn't ready for it. But now, after working at the YMCA for almost a year, I can honestly say that I LOVE this job and I love working with kids and families and making a difference in people's lives. (Awwwwwwww).
I know I've always believed in the saying, "Everything happens for a reason," but it's moments like this that really make me think, wow, maybe I do have a purpose in life! For so long I felt like I was just living day to day, going through the motions, working a 9-5 job just because that's what people do in the real world...
BUT NOT ME. Two weeks ago I made a very difficult decision to put in my two weeks notice at my job that I had only worked at for a month. Needless to say I was terrified! For ten months I had been searching and searching to find a job, and then when I finally had one, I decided to quit it for a different job. I know the YMCA job is the right choice for me, but it is a HUGE commitment. I will be working 50+ hours a week, some weekends, and some holidays. But the weird thing is, that doesn't bother me. And THAT is how I know that I really love what I'm doing. If I could give any advice about what I've learned over the past few months it would be this: Life is too short to spend your time being unhappy. You can choose to be unhappy with your job/relationships/body/ etc. or you can choose to change it! Taking a risk is scary, but you risk more by not taking one. I chose to follow my heart and do what makes me happy. I can only wish the same for everyone else reading this.
That's the main announcement for today's blog, now I just have a short story to share. This past Saturday I was out at a friend's place hanging out with a few people. For some reason, the topic of "why I'm still single" always seems to come up when I'm around people with boyfriends/husbands. The conversation goes something like this:
Friend: "Lauren, you are so beautiful and confident and smart! You must have tons of guys trying to date you." (yes, this was the actual statement, I'm not making this up)
Me: (Laughs hysterically at the hilarious statement just made) "Well, this might come as a shocker, but there are actually no guys trying to date me."
Friend: "Oh my gosh, why is that? You know what I think, I think its because you are beautiful AND confident, and that scares guys off."
Me: "Yea, that must be it."
So the point of the story, or more like the question of the story, why am I still single? If someone has the answer please let me know. haha. But seriously, here's why I'm single. I'll try to keep it short and not rant.
I'm picky. I know what I like and what I don't like. I judge guys on their shoes. I don't date smokers. I fall for guys who pay me absolutely no attention and I ignore the perfectly good guy standing in front of me. I'm impatient. I don't like playing games. I'm honest. If I like you I will tell you, and so far that hasn't really worked out too well. I'm outspoken, opinionated, and if you don't believe in yourself then I certainly won't believe in you either. I'm a whiner. I'm selfish and lazy which is a terrible combination. I want a guy who takes control. THAT is sexy. I want someone who stands beside me, and supports me and what I'm about.
But I'm pretty sure this guy is either taken, gay, or currently living on a different planet.
So until Mr. Right comes along, I'll proudly blare "Single Ladies" as my anthem and enjoy meeting all the Mr. Wrongs Virginia has to offer.
First off, I am pleased to announce that I will starting a new job on May 3rd! I will be the Family Programs Director for the YMCA in Great Bridge. I am SUPER excited about this job! I am also extremely lucky that things worked out the way they did. I interviewed for this job back in September and didn't get it. But in a way, I am glad I didn't get it then because I wasn't ready for it. But now, after working at the YMCA for almost a year, I can honestly say that I LOVE this job and I love working with kids and families and making a difference in people's lives. (Awwwwwwww).
I know I've always believed in the saying, "Everything happens for a reason," but it's moments like this that really make me think, wow, maybe I do have a purpose in life! For so long I felt like I was just living day to day, going through the motions, working a 9-5 job just because that's what people do in the real world...
BUT NOT ME. Two weeks ago I made a very difficult decision to put in my two weeks notice at my job that I had only worked at for a month. Needless to say I was terrified! For ten months I had been searching and searching to find a job, and then when I finally had one, I decided to quit it for a different job. I know the YMCA job is the right choice for me, but it is a HUGE commitment. I will be working 50+ hours a week, some weekends, and some holidays. But the weird thing is, that doesn't bother me. And THAT is how I know that I really love what I'm doing. If I could give any advice about what I've learned over the past few months it would be this: Life is too short to spend your time being unhappy. You can choose to be unhappy with your job/relationships/body/ etc. or you can choose to change it! Taking a risk is scary, but you risk more by not taking one. I chose to follow my heart and do what makes me happy. I can only wish the same for everyone else reading this.
That's the main announcement for today's blog, now I just have a short story to share. This past Saturday I was out at a friend's place hanging out with a few people. For some reason, the topic of "why I'm still single" always seems to come up when I'm around people with boyfriends/husbands. The conversation goes something like this:
Friend: "Lauren, you are so beautiful and confident and smart! You must have tons of guys trying to date you." (yes, this was the actual statement, I'm not making this up)
Me: (Laughs hysterically at the hilarious statement just made) "Well, this might come as a shocker, but there are actually no guys trying to date me."
Friend: "Oh my gosh, why is that? You know what I think, I think its because you are beautiful AND confident, and that scares guys off."
Me: "Yea, that must be it."
So the point of the story, or more like the question of the story, why am I still single? If someone has the answer please let me know. haha. But seriously, here's why I'm single. I'll try to keep it short and not rant.
I'm picky. I know what I like and what I don't like. I judge guys on their shoes. I don't date smokers. I fall for guys who pay me absolutely no attention and I ignore the perfectly good guy standing in front of me. I'm impatient. I don't like playing games. I'm honest. If I like you I will tell you, and so far that hasn't really worked out too well. I'm outspoken, opinionated, and if you don't believe in yourself then I certainly won't believe in you either. I'm a whiner. I'm selfish and lazy which is a terrible combination. I want a guy who takes control. THAT is sexy. I want someone who stands beside me, and supports me and what I'm about.
But I'm pretty sure this guy is either taken, gay, or currently living on a different planet.
So until Mr. Right comes along, I'll proudly blare "Single Ladies" as my anthem and enjoy meeting all the Mr. Wrongs Virginia has to offer.
Monday, April 19, 2010
"Suppose" Secondhand Seranade
Suppose that I missed you
Suppose that I cared
And suppose that I've spent all my nights running scared
And suppose that I was never there
And my eyes are screaming for the sight of you
And tonight I'm dreaming
Of all the things that we've been through
And I can't hold on to you, so I guess I feel lonely too
Suppose we were happy, suppose it was true
And suppose there were cold nights
But we somehow made it through
And suppose that I'm nothing without you
And my eyes are screaming for the sight of you
And tonight I'm dreaming
Of all the things that we've been through
And I can't hold on to you, so I guess I feel lonely too
Slow way down
This breakdown's eating me alive
And I'm tired
And this fight is fighting to survive
Tell me a secret
(I want it)
Tell me a story
(I need it )
I'll listen attentively
I'll stay awake all night
Allow me to whisper
(So softly)
There's nothing I did mean
(Please help me)
But it's in my body, it's strong enough to fight
(Let's make this right)
Please help me make this right
Suppose that I was wrong
Suppose you were here
And suppose that I reached out and caught your tears
And suppose this fight just disappeared
And my eyes are screaming for the sight of you
And tonight I'm dreaming
Of all the things that we've been through
And I can't hold on to you, so I guess I feel lonely too
But I'd rather be here with you
Suppose that I cared
And suppose that I've spent all my nights running scared
And suppose that I was never there
And my eyes are screaming for the sight of you
And tonight I'm dreaming
Of all the things that we've been through
And I can't hold on to you, so I guess I feel lonely too
Suppose we were happy, suppose it was true
And suppose there were cold nights
But we somehow made it through
And suppose that I'm nothing without you
And my eyes are screaming for the sight of you
And tonight I'm dreaming
Of all the things that we've been through
And I can't hold on to you, so I guess I feel lonely too
Slow way down
This breakdown's eating me alive
And I'm tired
And this fight is fighting to survive
Tell me a secret
(I want it)
Tell me a story
(I need it )
I'll listen attentively
I'll stay awake all night
Allow me to whisper
(So softly)
There's nothing I did mean
(Please help me)
But it's in my body, it's strong enough to fight
(Let's make this right)
Please help me make this right
Suppose that I was wrong
Suppose you were here
And suppose that I reached out and caught your tears
And suppose this fight just disappeared
And my eyes are screaming for the sight of you
And tonight I'm dreaming
Of all the things that we've been through
And I can't hold on to you, so I guess I feel lonely too
But I'd rather be here with you
Sunday, April 11, 2010
You may say that I'm a creeper, but I'm not the only one...
It's Sunday night. I'm tired, sunburned and a little dehydrated after the events of the weekend. I'm sitting here on the couch, watching Phil Mickelson break down each one of his shots for ESPN reporters, and I am deep in thought. Some of my best thinking happens on Sunday night. I reflect on the week prior and the events of the weekend. I think about the things that went well during the week, and the things that went not so well. Regardless, this week is almost gone and soon it will be time to start another. I learned a few things this weekend, and I mainly have my younger sister to thank.
Last night I attended a housewarming party for one of my co-workers who lives in Virginia Beach. My sister was nice enough to drive out and pick me up around midnight, since I was in no condition to drive. She patiently waited for me to finish the game I was playing, and then she carted me home. What a loving sister, right? This morning when I woke up, my sister and I began discussing the events of the night before. In a very blunt manner, she looked at me and said, "You were a creeper last night." If only I had a dollar for every time someone told me that. Ha! So I laughed it off, and then she said, "No really, you were like interrogating this guy and rubbing the top of his head." (I mean, I thought he acted like he liked it at the time). But looking back, yes, that is a little creepy. I also preceded to tell him that he would look hot in anything that he put on (which I still firmly believe), and I grilled him on everything from his favorite type of music, to his job, to his birthday, to where he lived. (And yes, he answered all of my questions in a satisfactory manner. I think he liked that I showed such an interest in getting to know him. Or not.)
So blog readers, I have decided to accept the reality that is my life and proudly say, I am a creeper. I want to know things about people. I ask questions, and I want answers. And while I take partial credit for my behavior, I blame 76% of the problem on modern technology. Facebook, myspace, twitter, etc. It encourages us to be CREEPY!! People put their personal information on a web page and expect other people not to look at it? I think not. We are all creepers, so more than others. Some might choose to deny their creepiness, but I choose to embrace it. I am an open book. I have nothing to hide. And I honestly think if more people took that approach, there would be less "creepiness" involved and more of a general interest to learn more about our neighbors, classmates, co-workers, etc. I am thankful I have my sister to remind me of my not so graceful moments. And I firmly believe, that one day, I will meet a guy who is comfortable with my creepiness, and accepts me for who I am, head rubbing and FBI style interrogating and all. Until then, cheers to creepers everywhere!
Now, moving on. For those of you who don't know, I am a whiner. I complain about almost everything. But luckily I have a best friend who complains just as much, if not more than I do. (Love you!) We get along so well because we both whine to one another and humor each other no matter how silly the whining may be. So, since my best friend is currently 200 miles away, I have decided to take my whining to the blog ( for tonight anyway). So here it goes. I am TIRED of logging on to facebook, only to read about lovestruck couples declaring their love for one another on each other's facebook wall, homepage, mini-feed, photo album, hot air balloon ride, etc. I am happy for you that after dating for 2 months you have found your "soul mate" and want the world to know. I mean honestly, I don't want to read about this but you really make it impossible for me not to. Call me jealous, I don't care. Call me a hater, I'll smile and wave at you. This is not directed to anyone in particular. If you are my friend and you are happy and in love, then I am happy for you. I am not however, happy to have to read about the events of your day on an hourly basis, and watch you count down via facebook status until the next time you can see your true love. (I just threw up in my mouth a little). Maybe I am jaded towards love and will never feel the way I did when I was a love struck teenager with stars in my eyes. Does that make me sad? Sure it does. But that still doesn't mean that I have to tolerate you blowing up my homepage on facebook. I will de-friend you. Don't push me.
(End of whiny rant).
Lastly, I just have a general statement to make. A guy in a relationship is 10 times more desirable than when he is just a plain old single guy. WHY IS THIS?? Maybe it's the fact that he is able to commit to one person for an extended period of time, and doesn't mind seeming like less of a man for sitting through chick flicks and going to wine tasting events. Whatever it is, Mr. "In a Relationship" goes from a 6 to an 8 on my "I want you" scale. But I just want to make this clear: if you were to magically become single again, I'm 90% sure that I wouldn't want you anymore. So just stay in your happy, committed relationship, and I will find someone else to want. That's all. : )
Last night I attended a housewarming party for one of my co-workers who lives in Virginia Beach. My sister was nice enough to drive out and pick me up around midnight, since I was in no condition to drive. She patiently waited for me to finish the game I was playing, and then she carted me home. What a loving sister, right? This morning when I woke up, my sister and I began discussing the events of the night before. In a very blunt manner, she looked at me and said, "You were a creeper last night." If only I had a dollar for every time someone told me that. Ha! So I laughed it off, and then she said, "No really, you were like interrogating this guy and rubbing the top of his head." (I mean, I thought he acted like he liked it at the time). But looking back, yes, that is a little creepy. I also preceded to tell him that he would look hot in anything that he put on (which I still firmly believe), and I grilled him on everything from his favorite type of music, to his job, to his birthday, to where he lived. (And yes, he answered all of my questions in a satisfactory manner. I think he liked that I showed such an interest in getting to know him. Or not.)
So blog readers, I have decided to accept the reality that is my life and proudly say, I am a creeper. I want to know things about people. I ask questions, and I want answers. And while I take partial credit for my behavior, I blame 76% of the problem on modern technology. Facebook, myspace, twitter, etc. It encourages us to be CREEPY!! People put their personal information on a web page and expect other people not to look at it? I think not. We are all creepers, so more than others. Some might choose to deny their creepiness, but I choose to embrace it. I am an open book. I have nothing to hide. And I honestly think if more people took that approach, there would be less "creepiness" involved and more of a general interest to learn more about our neighbors, classmates, co-workers, etc. I am thankful I have my sister to remind me of my not so graceful moments. And I firmly believe, that one day, I will meet a guy who is comfortable with my creepiness, and accepts me for who I am, head rubbing and FBI style interrogating and all. Until then, cheers to creepers everywhere!
Now, moving on. For those of you who don't know, I am a whiner. I complain about almost everything. But luckily I have a best friend who complains just as much, if not more than I do. (Love you!) We get along so well because we both whine to one another and humor each other no matter how silly the whining may be. So, since my best friend is currently 200 miles away, I have decided to take my whining to the blog ( for tonight anyway). So here it goes. I am TIRED of logging on to facebook, only to read about lovestruck couples declaring their love for one another on each other's facebook wall, homepage, mini-feed, photo album, hot air balloon ride, etc. I am happy for you that after dating for 2 months you have found your "soul mate" and want the world to know. I mean honestly, I don't want to read about this but you really make it impossible for me not to. Call me jealous, I don't care. Call me a hater, I'll smile and wave at you. This is not directed to anyone in particular. If you are my friend and you are happy and in love, then I am happy for you. I am not however, happy to have to read about the events of your day on an hourly basis, and watch you count down via facebook status until the next time you can see your true love. (I just threw up in my mouth a little). Maybe I am jaded towards love and will never feel the way I did when I was a love struck teenager with stars in my eyes. Does that make me sad? Sure it does. But that still doesn't mean that I have to tolerate you blowing up my homepage on facebook. I will de-friend you. Don't push me.
(End of whiny rant).
Lastly, I just have a general statement to make. A guy in a relationship is 10 times more desirable than when he is just a plain old single guy. WHY IS THIS?? Maybe it's the fact that he is able to commit to one person for an extended period of time, and doesn't mind seeming like less of a man for sitting through chick flicks and going to wine tasting events. Whatever it is, Mr. "In a Relationship" goes from a 6 to an 8 on my "I want you" scale. But I just want to make this clear: if you were to magically become single again, I'm 90% sure that I wouldn't want you anymore. So just stay in your happy, committed relationship, and I will find someone else to want. That's all. : )
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
My Bucket List
I know I'm probably a little premature in making a bucket list, but I can't help but think of all the things I've never done and really want to do. Now, bear with me, I'm bored at work and this list is coming right off the top of my head. I want to write this list now, and then come back in a few months and re-evaluate my ideas to see if they are still the same.
Just last week two of my friends had family members pass away. One of my friends lost her father at the hands of a wreckless, drunk driver. Moments like that really make me stop and think. Our time here is not guaranteed. We don't automatically get a certain number of years to live. We don't even know if we get tomorrow. So here's my bucket list ( what I have so far). And yes, I know some of the things on my list are silly, but it's MY list so I can do what I want. : )
Just last week two of my friends had family members pass away. One of my friends lost her father at the hands of a wreckless, drunk driver. Moments like that really make me stop and think. Our time here is not guaranteed. We don't automatically get a certain number of years to live. We don't even know if we get tomorrow. So here's my bucket list ( what I have so far). And yes, I know some of the things on my list are silly, but it's MY list so I can do what I want. : )
Bucket List
Stay up all night and watch the sunrise
Meet the President
Go scuba diving in the Bahamas
Run a marathon
Audition for a reality show
Save a life with a few kind words
Write a book
Adopt a child
Donate bone marrow
Go to an NFL game
Meet Lady Gaga
See the West Coast
Get a passport (and use it)
Tell ***** I miss him (Come on, I can't tell you everything)
Pay for a stranger's groceries and walk away
Create a suicide prevention foundation in honor of my Aunt Jackie
Help my grandma forgive herself
Find a way to show my mom how thankful I am for everything she's done
Fall in love at first sight (even if it only lasts a day)
Stay up all night and watch the sunrise
Meet the President
Go scuba diving in the Bahamas
Run a marathon
Audition for a reality show
Save a life with a few kind words
Write a book
Adopt a child
Donate bone marrow
Go to an NFL game
Meet Lady Gaga
See the West Coast
Get a passport (and use it)
Tell ***** I miss him (Come on, I can't tell you everything)
Pay for a stranger's groceries and walk away
Create a suicide prevention foundation in honor of my Aunt Jackie
Help my grandma forgive herself
Find a way to show my mom how thankful I am for everything she's done
Fall in love at first sight (even if it only lasts a day)
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
"Nobody likes you when you're 23"
"Oh wait, but I'm 23."
These were my exact words this past weekend when the Blink 182 song, "What's My Age Again," came on at the bar in DC. I stood there at the bar with my vodka/tonic in hand, trying to process the fact that the song I used to sing when I was 16 is now a song about ME!! Well, not literally, but still, where did those 7 years go? Needless to say I had an emotional moment in the bar with my best friend and we reflected on how fast time goes by and how it seems like just yesterday we were meeting for the first time in our dorm freshman year. Oh, the memories.
I know all of you have been anxiously waiting to hear how my magical weekend with Chelsea Handler went. I am pleased to say that I MET CHELSEA HANDLER AND HAD AN ACTUAL CONVERSATION WITH HER!!! (Insert excessive excitement here). Here is how the conversation went:
Me: "Oh my god, I seriously love you. I want to be you, like seriously."
Chelsea: "Haha, well thanks for loving me. Keep loving me!"
Me: "Okay I will. I also want to work for you one day. And I'll see you at your show tonight."
Chelsea: "Okay, next."
(just kidding, she didn't respond after I said that because there were 200 people waiting behind me)
Also, everyone should be very proud that I figured out how to upload a picture to my blog!! This is a picture of me and Chelsea. As you can see, we are clearly in an intense conversation!
I would have to say that meeting Chelsea was probably the best 10 seconds of my life so far. I almost cried when I actually stood face to face with her. It almost didn't seem real. It's weird watching someone on TV every night, reading their books, and wondering what it would be like to meet them someday. And then that day comes and it makes the world seem a little bit more connected and for a minute, celebrities actually feel like normal people. I really respect her for taking the time to sign 500 plus books and talk with everyone. MAD PROPS TO YOU CHELSEA!! And yes, I will always love you. : )
Overall my weekend in DC was a success. I got to see my best friend and spend quality time complaining about boys and why they are so dumb. (No offense guys). I also ran into an old friend this weekend who reminded me what I used to be like before "being grown up" got in the way. He reminded me that sometimes it's okay to be careless and a little reckless (as long as no one gets seriously hurt.) Everyone needs to be reminded of that once in a while. I mean, we can't be serious all the time, right?
Back the the Blink 182 song- I seriously can't believe I am 23. I mean, I guess I can believe it because I celebrated my birthday about a month ago. When I was 16, 23 just seemed so old and so far away. It feels like I just blinked and a song that I once jammed out to in my bedroom is about my life now. But I have to say, for being 23, I'm still feeling pretty young and having a great time being just a little bit reckless. So, thanks. :)
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Something In the Air?
Alright, maybe it's something in the air/the water/the Chick-Fil-A salads I've been eating. I can't exactly put my finger on it, but something is making me EXTREMELY emotional and reflective these days. For example, I cry during the dumbest shows! And I never used to cry! I'm watching a 16 year old deliver a baby on tv the other day and I'm sobbing. I'm talking like loud, boo-hoo sobbing. Then I'm watching a Jessica Simpson special on VH1 about how women in other countries do crazy things to look beautiful. I'm sitting there crying watching these women starve themselves to be accepted by society. Now don't get me wrong, these shows were sad, but the fact that I was crying seemed a little of out the ordinary for me.
I know that seems like a small example, so let's get to the big picture. Lately it seems that everyone I know is dating someone, getting engaged, getting married, having babies, etc. Now, the Lauren I used to know would say, "Oh, thank God that isn't me. I have no desire to commit to anyone and settle down." But somewhere inside me something changed! I'm not saying I did a complete 180 and I spend my days at work looking for wedding rings. But there's just this feeling deep down inside of me that keeps building. And as it grows stronger it's telling me, "You do want to find someone and have someone to share things with."
Marriage is still a LONG way off for me; I am absolutely sure of that. Unless I run into Channing Tatum and he divorces his wife and proposes to me. But still, I'm starting to reconsider my theory that dating someone at this point in my life is pointless and overrated. Maybe it is worth it to try. I miss having someone like me, say nice things to me, and treat me as more than just a friend. I miss having that connection with someone and knowing that they completely get me and what I'm trying to say. THAT is a good feeling, and I miss that feeling. For a while now, I've been pushing my feelings aside. I've been saying, "Feelings, I know you are there but I just really don't want to deal with you right now." I've been living for the moment and focusing on myself. Perhaps you could say I've been selfish. I just say that I need to figure myself out before I can be with anyone else. It seems only fair to that person. So maybe I haven't completely figured myself out yet, but I'm willing to let someone in and see what happens.
It all comes down to this: When I was younger, people always used to tell me, "Enjoy it will you can because it goes by so fast." And I never knew what "it" was until now."It" represents the moments, the memories, the special times that define our lives. And lately I'm finding that those special moments don't come as easily as they used to. No one ever told me how much the "real world" sucks. I'm still trying to figure out why I was in such a hurry to get out of college and "grow up". I feel like each day is exactly like the one before. Minus the fact that I wear a different outfit and go to a different work out class depending on the day. I NEED A CHANGE!!! I need something exciting!! How can I be so young and so bored with the life I'm living?
I'm on a mission- and that is to find a life worth living, and live it to the fullest.
I know that seems like a small example, so let's get to the big picture. Lately it seems that everyone I know is dating someone, getting engaged, getting married, having babies, etc. Now, the Lauren I used to know would say, "Oh, thank God that isn't me. I have no desire to commit to anyone and settle down." But somewhere inside me something changed! I'm not saying I did a complete 180 and I spend my days at work looking for wedding rings. But there's just this feeling deep down inside of me that keeps building. And as it grows stronger it's telling me, "You do want to find someone and have someone to share things with."
Marriage is still a LONG way off for me; I am absolutely sure of that. Unless I run into Channing Tatum and he divorces his wife and proposes to me. But still, I'm starting to reconsider my theory that dating someone at this point in my life is pointless and overrated. Maybe it is worth it to try. I miss having someone like me, say nice things to me, and treat me as more than just a friend. I miss having that connection with someone and knowing that they completely get me and what I'm trying to say. THAT is a good feeling, and I miss that feeling. For a while now, I've been pushing my feelings aside. I've been saying, "Feelings, I know you are there but I just really don't want to deal with you right now." I've been living for the moment and focusing on myself. Perhaps you could say I've been selfish. I just say that I need to figure myself out before I can be with anyone else. It seems only fair to that person. So maybe I haven't completely figured myself out yet, but I'm willing to let someone in and see what happens.
It all comes down to this: When I was younger, people always used to tell me, "Enjoy it will you can because it goes by so fast." And I never knew what "it" was until now."It" represents the moments, the memories, the special times that define our lives. And lately I'm finding that those special moments don't come as easily as they used to. No one ever told me how much the "real world" sucks. I'm still trying to figure out why I was in such a hurry to get out of college and "grow up". I feel like each day is exactly like the one before. Minus the fact that I wear a different outfit and go to a different work out class depending on the day. I NEED A CHANGE!!! I need something exciting!! How can I be so young and so bored with the life I'm living?
I'm on a mission- and that is to find a life worth living, and live it to the fullest.
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